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Odysseus (by Brian Keane)

I'm gonna tell you this story that I once read
About this Cowboy who was a little messed up in the head
For starters he went to this weirdo name of Odysseus
Now Odysseus weren't no cowboy name
He could rope and ride and he could throw a real mean discus

He was headed home from far-off land
Like Mississippi or Tex-Arkana
He was trying to get to Ithaca, in New Your State
Met his dude named Poseidon that almost drowned him
But this chick named Ino came along and found him
I didn't really get that part anyway

What I liked is when he met this girl named Circe, you know
She was all hot and bothered and ready to go
She invited all of his friends on over for supper
Turned his buddies into pigs, and that's the fact
So he made love to her and she turned 'em back
I guess he was pretty good in the sack or something

Odysseus, why did you have to go?
Odysseus, whatever did you know?
Odyseuss, was hard, Odysseus was fast
That cowboy could really kick some ass

Well he wasn't really shure which way to head
So for directions he went to the kingdom of the dead
I ain't sure were that is, but it sounds like Florida
His momma lived there and she said hi, he said no momma,
I'm here to see this other guy
She said well, you're a real find son, then, aren't you?

Finally he found this guy that knew the way
He said now listen close to what I gotta say
It's a long hard ride and you probably never even get there
And all your friends they're all gonna die
And all you're gonna wanna do is sit and cry
And Odysseus said now, hold up... I make a left where?


So he packed his bags and he saddled up
And he was headed out of town past his little club
And from inside he heard this girl band called Sirens
(this chick band called the Heathens:-) )
Well he wanted to stay and hear a few
But his buddies said no, man, we gotta move
So he threw this big old tantrum
but that he got on back to riding

When he got home all of these men were there
Eating all the food from his Frigidaire and not just two or three,
but like fourty-something
They was hitting on his wife and making a scene
So he killed them all and got away clean
Didn't even have to do community service or nothing

His wife said I been so faithful babe
And he said uh..., uh..., me too
Except for that girl in the cave and a couple more
And that beautiful woman on that island shore...
For like two years...
Anyways, baby, I been so faithful in my heart